The Importance of Open Communication Within Black Families

Written By Maia Wells

Family photo: provided by Wells family

I cannot wait to have my own family one day. I am most looking forward to building a strong, healthy family unit. I want my family to break the stigma and stereotypes that are placed upon black families. These being broken, unstable homes, absent fathers, and, my main concern, unhealthy or no communication at all. 

I come from a family where communication is encouraged. However, this was not always the standard. My family has been through a great deal. Though our situations have made us stronger, we did not actually talk about our reality until after an incident. Many emotions that we harbored were revealed that exposed a lot of trauma that is still fresh. If these feelings had been spoken about during the hardship, this would have fostered an even stronger and more trustworthy relationship between us. In addition, my siblings and I would not have felt alone in dealing with what we were feeling. 

As a young black woman, I have my own battles with depression, anxiety, and stress from tribulations that I have endured. I am not necessarily ashamed of these parts of myself because every day I woke up and decide to be better. However, I think that a lot of the struggles that I have with mental health come from not feeling like I could talk about my feelings, though I knew I could go to my family about anything. I feel that this also true of many other black children within black families. According to Columbia University Department of Psychiatry, “These ideas often lead [black] people to believe that mental health issues are a personal weakness due to negative stereotypes of instability and attitudes of rejection.” This leads to bottled up emotions and the creation of more problems. My way of combatting this will be breaking the cycle within my own family and creating a new one. A cycle that fosters a healthy familial foundation.

Though beneficial communication has not always been the standard within my family, everything is a work in progress. We have ways that we cope through difficult times, ways that we uplift and encourage one another, and ways that we simply are present for each other. Whether it be family game nights, dinner outings, or intense Nerf® gun fights in the living room—we add fun and light to our relationship. In addition, we recognize that there may be times when we simply need to sit down and talk. Everyone gets everything off of their chest and we just check in with each other. These methods, though they may not be extreme measures, are effective for us. Problems continue to be addressed and avoided through these ways that we come together as a unit.

My goal is to give my children a better life than I have had—I do not want them to feel alone. I will feel accomplished if they do not struggle with the same things that I did. Fostering a healthy environment where they can talk to not only me, but anyone in the family, is a goal of mine. I will set the standard to communicate before things get hard. This will allow for us to communicate about anything, not just the difficult. All of it—the good, the bad, the ugly. Healthy communication will be the norm.

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